She loved Christmas. Her Ikea kitchen, the Christmas lights, baby Jesus “baby dee sars”, eating chocolate for breakfast and generally getting thoroughly spoiled.
Three years ago I said to my hubby that I had reached breaking point with IVF. That if the cycle starting in January wasn’t a success I would have to walk away with empty arms.
The line in the sand is a fluid one. Often thinking you’ve reached your limit only to redefine limits. For me, when the emotional pain of failure outweighs the emotional pain of walking away it’s time to stop trying.
The other day I did the craziest thing. I saw a long term neighbour who lives down the street walking his dogs. I know for him and his wife the line was drawn. Hope was lost. They walked away without a baby. I ran up and called out to him. I asked the unthinkable question infertile couples don’t want to be asked. I asked if they were done, completely done? At first he said yes. But then I took a deep breath and explained my rudeness. You see, I have a chance for dreams in my hands. I have 6 frozen embryos. He said he’ll speak with his wife. More than anything I pray they try again. Miss Bee is a crazy, naughty, clever, charismatic little human who lights up the darkness with her radiance. I pray that they could have that light too.